naps til after 9pm

i am up entirely too late to have to wake up at 7:30. i am sitting on 6 hours and 45 minutes right now. that is not enough.

let's list some of my near-future goals:

getting accepted into performing arts school in nyc, fall '10
losing 15 lbs (which feels completely impossible)
to be a really great actress
to work as much as much as i can before (if) going to performing arts school
being successful in acting once (again, if) i finish performing arts school
to be more fashionable- i don't care how this sounds.
to follow through with getting involved in the community and small groups
to have a really well-decorated place
to work with amy adams, drew barrymore, jennifer aniston, reese witherspoon. any/either/or.
to be on ellen and/or jimmy fallon. because i like them.
to be respected as a great actress
to not feel like a total moron after typing every one of these
to never stop learning
to have really long hair
to have work that i'm proud of
to not give up until it happens
to be toned and not jiggly
to be cast in a really great play
to be friends with taylor swift and tegan & sara. like, best friends.
to keep reading
to memorize my monologues
to star in something spectacular

all of my dreams seem ridiculous and lofty. some are silly and funny. some are serious. but they're all things that i want in some capacity, so it counts. i don't feel like i'll ever get there, but i never thought i'd have an incredible marriage with an incredible person, either. i guess i'll just stay the course. i wish my dreams were simple, like being a great gardener or an antique collector. but i guess if they're easy, they're not dreams. it feels big, impossible, and scary. god is telling me, 'so has everything else and you've gotten this far.' so i'll just keep on going. never knowing, but always trusting.

6 hours, 25 minutes. i should really get some sleep.